A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator, looks up and sees this HUGE
black guy standing next to him. The big guy sees the little guy staring at
him looks down and says: "7 feet tall, 350 pounds, 20-inch private, 3-pound
left testicle, 3-pound right testicle, Turner Brown."
The white man faints and falls to the floor. The big guy kneels down and
brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says, "What's wrong with you?" In a
weak voice, the little guy says, "What EXACTLY did you say to me?"
The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and figured I'd just give you
the answers to the questions everyone always asks me. I'm 7 feet tall, I
weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20-inch private, my left testicle weighs 3
pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my name is Turner Brown."
The small guy says, "Turner Brown?!...Oh Man! I thought you said, 'Turn
around'!"
lol cmon man thats an old one, hilarious tho
Maybe I have a better one for tomorrow!
Name the movie....
Hi, what's your name?
Bend over...
So Ben, what are you in for?
Take off your pants.....
One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife
dressed in a very sexy nightie. "Tie me up," she
purred, "and you can do anything you want."
So he tied her up and went golfing.
**************************************************
A woman came home, screeching her car into the
driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door
and shouted at the top of her lungs, "Honey, pack your
bags. I won the lottery!"
The husband said, "Oh my God! What should I pack,
beach stuff or mountain stuff?"
"Doesn't matter," she said. "Just get the hell out."
**************************************************
Marriage is a relationship in which one person is
always right, and the other is a husband.
**************************************************
A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a
driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an
eye sight test. The optician showed him a card with
the letters:
'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.'
"Can you read this?" the optician asked.
"Read it?" the Polish guy replied, "I know the guy."
**************************************************
Mo ther Superior called all the nuns together and said
to them, "I must tell you all something. We have a
case of gonorrhea in the convent."
"Thank God," said an elderly nun at the back. "I'm so
tired of chardonnay."
**************************************************
A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her
husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen.
"Careful," he said, "CAREFUL! Put in some more
butter! Oh my GOD! You're cooking too many at once.
TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more
butter. Oh my GOD! WHERE are we going to get MORE
BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful! CAREFUL!
I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're
cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you
CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt
them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use
the salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!"
The wife stared at him. "What in the world is wrong
with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple
of eggs?"
The husband calmly replied, "I just wanted to show you
what it feels like when I'm driving."
**************************************************
Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina
mountain man, was drafted by the Army.
On his first day in basic training, the Army issued
him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off
all his hair.
On his second day, the Army issued Herman a
toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked
seven of his teeth.
On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap.
The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.
NOW those were funny hahahahhahah