ChitownRC

1. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

2. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

3. Clumsy? Avoid cutting yourself while slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold them while you chop away.

4. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by simply using the sink.

5. Have a bad headache? Smash your thumb with a hammer and you will forget about the headache.

Sometimes, we just need to remember what the rules of life really are:

You only need two tools: WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does, use the duct tape.

And finally, be really nice to your family and friends; you never know when you might need them to empty your bedpan.

ha! love it, especially #1

i make jokes about #5, like when someone complains about how they have a headace i ask them if i can fix it. and by fixing it you hit em in the arm or in the nuts (not normally a good idea, because then they technically owe you, so watch your back) then they forget about the pain of the headache.

lol and dont forget how the last one applies, "dad you better be nice to me or i'll put you in a home one day"