> >A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, "Please come
> over here and help
> >me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can't
> figure out how to get
> >it started.
> >
> >"Her boyfriend asks, "What is it supposed to be
> when it's finished?"
> >The blonde says, "According to the picture on the
> box, it's a tiger."
> >Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the
> puzzle.
> >
> >She lets him in and shows him where she has the
> puzzle spread all over
> >the table. He studies the pieces for a moment, then
> looks at the box,
> >then turns to her and says, "First of all, no
> matter what we do, we're
> >not going to be able to assemble these pieces into
> anything resembling
> >a tiger."............
> >
> >He takes her hand and says, "Second! , I want you
> to relax. Let's have a
> >nice cup of tea, and then....." he sighed, .
> >
> >"Let's put all these Frosted Flakes back in the box.
Hahaha!! That is a good one...
Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years
Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."
Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.
and here is one for Freeride.....
Q: What do you call four Blondes in a Volkswagon?
A: Far-from-thinkin
LMAO... thanks.
Q: What goes vroom, screech, vroom, screech, vroom, screech??
A: A blonde going through a flashing red light.
Why do Blonds have Bruises on their Belly Button?
Blond men are Dumb too.
Q: Why do blondes wear ponytails?
A: To hide the valve stem!
Q: How do you change a blonde's mind?
A1: Blow in her ear.
A2: Buy her another beer.
Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: What is it called when a blonde blows in another blonde's ear?
A: Data transfer.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.
Q: What is a cool refreshing drink for a blonde?
A: Perri-air.
Q: What do you call 10 blondes at the bottom of a pool?
A: Air Pockets
Q: Why did the blonde nurse bring a red marker to work?
A: In case she had to draw blood!
There were three women, a Brunette, a Red Head, and a Blonde. They all worked together at an office.
Every day they noticed that their boss left work a little early. So one day they met together and decided that today when the boss left, they would all leave early too.
The boss left and so did they. The Brunette went home and straight to bed so could get an early start the next morning. The Red Head went home to get in a quick work out before her dinner date. The Blonde went home and walked into the bedroom. She opens the door slowly and saw her husband in bed with her boss, so she shut the door and left.
The next day, the Brunette and the Red Head are talking about going home early again. They ask the Blonde if she wants to leave early again.
"No," she says, "yesterday I nearly got caught!"
Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.
Q: Why aren't blondes good cattle herders?
A: Because they can't even keep two calves together!
Q1 How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.
Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a computer?
A: You only have to punch information into a computer once.
Q: What did the blonde think of the new computer?
A: She didn't like it because she couldn't get channel 9.
Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.
Q: What is the best blonde secretary in the world to have?
A: One that never misses a period.
Q: Why are only 2% of blondes touch-typists?
A: The rest are hunt'n peckers.
Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.
Q: What did the blonde customer say to the buxom waitress (reading her name tag) ?
A: "'Debbie'...that's cute. What did you name the other one ?"
Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.
Q: Why won't they hire a blonde pharmacist?
A: They keep breaking the prescription bottles in the typewriters.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde works in an office?
A: A bed in the stockroom and huge smiles on all the bosses' faces.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.
Q: How can you tell if a blonde writes mysteries?
A: She has a checkbook.
Q: How can you tell when a FAX had been sent from a blonde?
A: There is a stamp on it.
A blonde saw a "¿" on her computer screen and asked another blonde,
"How do you do that?" She responded . . .
"Simple, turn the keyboard upside down!"
Q: What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette?
A: Artificial intelligence.
Q: When does a brunette have 1/2 of a brain?
A: After a dye job.
Q: Why does NASA hire peroxide blondes?
A: They're doing research on black holes.
Q: What do peroxide blondes and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.
Q: Why are there no dumb brunettes?
A: Peroxide.
Q: How do you tell if a bleach blonde did your landscaping?
A: The bushes are darker than the rest of the yard.
A car was driving down the street when all of a sudden it started swerving. The car was going back and forth till someone with a cell phone called the police. A police officer pulled the car over. A blonde rolls down the window and says, " Officer, I'm so glad you are here. I saw a tree in the road, then I saw another. So I had to swerve to keep from hitting it!" The officer looks at her, then says, "Ma'am, that's your air freshener."
Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.
Q: Why was the blonde upset when she got her Driver's License?
A: Because she got an "F" in sex.
Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is working?
A: Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No. Yes. No.
Q: What do you call an unmarried blond in a BMW?
A: Divorcee'
Q: Why can't a blonde get a drivers license?
A: Because every time the instructor says "Let's park" she jumps in the back seat.
Q: What do blondes and turtles have in common?
A: When they are on their backs they are screwed.
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a mosquito?
A: The mosquito stops sucking after you smack it.
Q: A blonde is walking down the street with a pig under her arm. She passes a person who asks "Where did you get that?"
A: The pig says, "I won her in a raffle!"
Q: How did the blonde die ice fishing?
A: She was run over by the zambonis machine
(note for you REAL blondes out there that is the machine that makes ice in the ice-skating rinks!).
Q: Why didn't the blonde want a window seat on the plane?
A1: She'd just dyed her hair.
A2: She'd just blow dried her hair and she didn't want it blown around too much.
Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.
A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says,
1. "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!"
2. "Good thing that cows don't fly."
I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting.
She told me she didn't know how to cook them.
A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie."
The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"
Q: Did you hear about the blonde skydiver?
A: She missed the Earth!
Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just love nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"
Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.
Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.
Q: How does a blonde kill a worm?
A: She burys it. Submitted by: Justine Boulin
Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and said "Oh, look at the deer tracks." The other blonde looks and says "Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks." "No. Those are deer tracks." They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.
Q: What is the difference between a smart blonde and bigfoot?
A: Bigfoot has been sighted. Submitted by:
Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747.
Q: Why did the blonde die in a helicopter crash?
A: She got cold and turned off the fan.
Q: Why did the blonde have square tits?
A: Because she forgot to take the tissues out of the boxes.
Q: Did you hear about the blonde that invented the solar flashlight?
Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!
Q: How do blonde brain cells die?
A: Alone.
Q: What do you call a blonde with 2 brain cells?
A: Pregnant.
Q: What was the blonde psychic's greatest achievement?
A: An IN-body experience!
Q: What does a blonde and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.
Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a supermarket trolley?
A: The supermarket trolley has a mind of its own.
Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.
Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.
Q: How do you get a blondes eyes to twinkle?
A: Shine a torch in her ears.
Q: What does a blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?
Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.
There were three women who were at the gynecologist having pre-natal checkups The doctor asked the first woman "in what position was the baby conceived ?"
"He was on top ", she replied.
"You will have a boy !" the doctor exclaimed.
The second woman was asked the same question.
"I was on top ", was the reply.
"you will have a baby girl. " said the doctor.
With this, the third women, a blonde, burst into tears.
"What's the matter ?" asked the doc.
"Am I going to have puppies ?".....
Q: Why do blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.
Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.
Did you know you could only have 10000 characters in a post?
BLONDE TERMINOLOGY
Anally -- occurring yearly
Artery -- study of paintings
Bacteria -- back door of cafeteria
Barium -- what doctors do when treatment fails
Bowel -- letter like A.E.I.O.U
Caesarian section -- district in Rome
Cat scan -- searching for kitty
Cauterize -- Made eye contact with her
Colic -- sheep dog
Coma -- a punctuation mark
Congenital -- friendly
D&C -- where Washington is
Diarrhea -- journal of daily events
Dilate -- to live long
Enema -- not a friend
Fester -- quicker
Fibula -- a small lie
Genital -- non-Jewish
G.I. Series -- soldiers' ball game
Grippe -- suitcase
Hangnail -- coat hook
Impotent -- distinguished, well known
Intense pain -- torture in a teepee
Labour pain -- got hurt at work
Medical staff -- doctor's cane
Morbid -- higher offer
Nitrate -- cheaper than day rate
Node -- was aware of
Outpatient -- person who had fainted
Pap smear -- fatherhood test
Pelvis -- cousin of Elvis
Post operative -- letter carrier
Protein -- favouring young people
Rectum -- damn near killed 'em
Recovery room -- place to do upholstery
Rheumatic -- amorous
Scar -- rolled tobacco leaf
Secretion -- hiding anything
Seizure -- Roman emperor
Serology -- study of knighthood
Tablet -- small tablet
Terminal Illness -- sickness at airport
Tibia -- country in North Africa
Tumor -- an extra pair
Urine -- opposite of you're out
Varicose -- located nearby
Vein -- conceited
One dark night, a Truck driver was driving along, minding his own business. When he came to a stoplight, There was a Blond pulled up next to him, beeping her horn. He rolled down his window and she said, "Hey Mister, Your truck is spilling it's load". The light turned Green and the driver drove away. At the next light, the blond started beeping her horn. When she stopped she jumped out, ran up to the truck, knocking on the window. Again, she said, "Mister, Your truck is spilling it's load all over the road". The light turns green, and the truck driver drives away. Seeing the next light turn Red, the truck driver hurries to get there first. When he stops the truck, he jumps out, runs up to the Blonds widow. The Blond says "Your truck is spilling it's load", to which the driver replies, "Ladie, it's Winter in Wisconsin and I drive a Salt truck".
Did you know you could only have 10000 characters in a post?
Of course I did, what do you think I am, Blonde?
I'll just tell the punchline cuz y'all know the joke....
"And the blode says, "Not another breathalyzer test!".
Q.Blondes are so small and dumb they jumped off a ledge and comited suiced!!!!!!
What?!?!
Thats it... Im talking to your dad! LOL j/k!